Life has been sometimes in disarray

Yes, life has been put sometimes in disarray so that we can give order in it. I have been asking myself many times why frustrating, shaking, and perspective-changing instances happen in our world. It is only today that I begin to accept that everything happens for a reason. After so many years of not accepting what tremendous change happened to our family life, it is only today that I was able to see the breaking of the new day. All I think now is how can I move on from the messy life I have. Well, financially speaking. I have been down for the past few years, and my financial situation is what caused my life a mess. It is my silent realization that what happened to me in the recent past has not to be blamed on other people. It is my own decision to be what had been, and it is my decision also now what I will become tomorrow. Well, people help me realize the good things. There was a point when I think of having suicide. Yes I did! I did! But I know it is not a good thing. Why waste your life on a thing that has no logic. Taking your own life is like a manifestation of your fear. For me, I know If I kill myself, many people will be surprised, some maybe regretful, and some may find the act strange or some will definitely feel I was a loss. That time I was thinking how many people will attend my funeral! That time, I never was afraid to die! Because death is like a saving grace! But I was reminded that taking your own life is a sin. It never is good.

Sometimes, cowardice is inevitable. We usually fear because it is a realization of our limitations as persons, but if only we have faith, even if that faith sometimes dwindles, it is still what will eventually bear factor on our meaningful and best decisions. Faith is the belief in the things unseen, and so even if I do not see God, I believe He is watching my every decision and step. My sister once gave me a meaningful testimonial. She said we must not do things because they are what we think were the right thing to us, but because it is the right thing in the eyes of God. Yes, she is right. I never thought of it that time maybe because I used to believe that while I had done good things to other people, He did not give me the best. I felt a failure and felt unblessed. On second look, the case was not. Looking back, I know there are also good things that happened to me, which made me happy today. Our life is better now, of course our life, although not mine, because I still have my backlogs. But at least I contributed to our family life’s betterment. It is enough for me.